mourning

August 26, 2008

family is in mourning.
below is the notes i had been keeping long ago.

Koh Ah Woo went peacefully on 24th Aug 08 at the age of 91.
~Zaobao 25 Aug 08.

August 11
News followed that my great-grandmum was not eating. now she barely could eat and spend most of her time sleeping. Occasionally with those dropsy eyes, would she tried, but feebly peeped at those whom surrounded her bed.

August 22
Her memories seemed to have failed her. she couldn’t even recognised those whom had been beside her bed for the past week. i guess peeping around was impossible and perhaps eating was totally out of question.
the cold walls of the ward provided no comfort to all this. maybe it’s was supplemented by the oxygen mask that hung tightly on her move… for once, humanity seems so fragile. it was strange how such a small pipe can breath life in us.

August 24
Some say marathon is a test of mental strength. other say it’s a shack-you-completely-away event. maybe to me, it robbed you away of your ability to think, to process what you’re able to face.
the news of a life that ended seem to be like a test paper, that slap across your face. they want your answer, a result. either way, they are demanding you to act. for me, it was just plain thought. - blank. there wasn’t tears, there wasn’t sorrow. it was just plain silence.

August 25
great-grandmum photo hung brightly in front of the casket. it’s hard to imagine that a human figure was now represented by a mere black and white photo. that simper on the face, still vividly etched in the other segments of the mind - the CNY when she was still beaming of life. those gestures, those coffee, those walking stick…
it was not sad that stained your mind. but perhaps an unbelieving-reluctance in you.
Josssticks was the traditional way of paying respect.  the viewing follows…

maybe death was not as simple as thought. those glorified death that games portray,  those simplified drop-and-died on the tv series. the real deal was neither of those. other looking at the physical death, it was plain blank-thinking. what follows was strings of strong emotion that run thru you with a force as if you were hit by a train. you start to question things, why doesn’t that figure move anymore, why does it happen this way , why that figure was full of life once and now it laid peacefully still in the casket ? maybe seeing death wasn’t scary. it was the process of feeling such a loss . maybe we’re just drown and killed by our own thoughts.

the days follows with preparaton for the next few days. somehow, we need to drape curtain clothes along those void-decks. it was my way of saying goodbye to a once respectable mother. it was my way of helping to make her last few days on earthly ground a pleasant one…

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